Go On, Put A Face On That Smile!

The Stig, Darth Vader and Spider-Man – what do they have in common? No, no, no, a better question – what don’t they have in common? Well, considering one is a pro-racer, the other is a ‘Sith Lord’ and the third one is a teenager running around in lyrca shooting webs; I would say a lot! Yet, there is one thing they all lack whilst at the same time they possess. Don’t worry, this isn’t some insane riddle – I’ll leave that to the professionals  I’ll tell you what it is, folks. A face. A face? What do you mean they don’t have a face? Of course they do! Okay, so they have a head on which their masks can tightly squeeze onto. Come on, you can’t admit that that is a face? These are ‘Men Behind the Mask’ – the real face sits behind it, just waiting to be revealed.

As an impatient, young child, I would sit there in awe as this ‘Stig’ character would demolish the likes of Clarkson, Hammond and May by sliding, ever so stylishly, into the finish line with Audi’s latest ‘new-born’ creation (in record time, just to step things up a gear. Casual pun intended). I would turn to my Dad, tugging at his sleeve shouting, ‘Who is that man, Daddy? Why has he not got a face?’, to be responded with, ‘But, son, he does have a face?’. *Humph* same old, same old! ‘Take off that mask, mysterious man, let me see who you really are!’ I bellowed with a child-like tantrum. The day would finally arrive when he would remove his mask to reveal none other than Michael Schumacher, whipping his head side-to-side like a ‘L’oreal’ shampoo model. I felt at ease, now that I knew the face of this mysterious idle. Tell me I’m not alone in this. Am I the only one who feels the need to put a face to something?

Ohhh life. You mysterious, little you. Life is just shrouded with mystery; whether that be wondering how Johnny Depp’s appearance doesn’t appear to have changed in the last 20 years, or why a ‘Hot Dog’ is called a ‘Hot Dog’ even though it’s just a pink, flabby tube of paste. Still mysteries to myself! Though, just like a “Hot Dog”, I hate mystery. Yuck. Personally, I like to know what something is and feel this sense of security. Ever seen ‘Jaws’? Watching an entire film when you don’t know ‘what lies beneath’? If you were a fan of mystery, my apologies for having just ruined it for you! More mysterious than ‘Jaws’ eating a hot dog whilst watching a Johnny Depp flick is, well, people. Concepts, more specifically.

Let me provide you with a *ahem* mainstream example – God. Just what is God? To you atheists, he/she/it (to avoid being called a ‘sexist pig’) doesn’t exist; but haters gonna hate and I shall ignore your judgments  However, so many people have had different interpretations of this concept ‘God’. Is he/she/it material? Is he/she/it spiritual? I’ll tell you one thing – God’s bloomin’ mysterious! All aspects of life have felt vulnerable to the mystery that shrouds God. To remove this mystery? Society has ‘Put A Face’ to God. Now, God is either a grey-haired, bearded man, living on a cloud with sandals for shoes; or… he is Morgan Freeman. *Sighs with relief*, I feel much better now that I have ‘Put A Face’ to him.

Heaven ain’t big enough for us both bearded, sandal man!   

Security? Who needs security when you can use ‘Putting A Face’ to something to enforce fear or intimidate others? Muahahaha. No, no, I’m not talking about you, Jocelyn Wildenstein (seriously, Google her, you won’t sleep tonight I can assure you). What I’m really referring to is ‘Big Brother’, the enemy of The Ministry of Truth’s Winston Smith. The original Big Brother from ‘1984’, not Devina’s ‘Minor Celebrities  Major Show’ version. Throughout the book, poor Winston is surrounded by posters of this ‘Big Brother’, which I’m still convinced is based on the ‘blast from the past’ known as Stalin. Does he even exist like a mustachioed Stalin? Is he just a concept? Who knows – though ‘Putting A Face’ to this figure made it appear more concrete, more real. Whether it be God or Big Brother, ‘Putting A Face’ to something has made us think differently about these ideas.

On a less serious note, I’m not sure if I myself am shrouded with mystery to you readers. Though, let me take the weight off of the concept, for you. I’ve applied my poor photo-shop skills to ‘Put A Face To Adrian Horan’. Do you remember those cardboard cut outs at the seaside, where it’d be a woman’s body and some middle aged would eagerly stick his head through it, wearing a goofy smile because he thinks he’s the first person ever to do that? Sadly, I’ve never done that. I’ve sacrificed my pride to do this, so I hope it was worth it:

Call it ‘making up for lost time’?

At least you can go away laughing at my expense and bearing that thought in mind – ‘Putting A Face’ to something makes it a whole lot less mysterious. However, just to assure you I’m NOT a Hula Dancer – there is still some mystery left to my name!

2 thoughts on “Go On, Put A Face On That Smile!

  1. Ha! I love the Stig and everything Stig-related. I even have Stig on a t-shirt and when I wear it spend half my time explaining to people who it is (some North Americans apparently live in a bubble).

    And you’re so right about the importance of the connotation provided by a “face.” Thank heavens they went with Morgan Freeman for the face of God rather than, say, Carrot Top. I’d have a hard time reconciling that one myself.

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