It Was Me… I Did The ‘Monster Mash’

With my house currently containing more of the colour orange than an episode of ‘The Only Way Is Essex’; my Mum rolling out the mediocre horror movies and my Dad having a mask primed at the door in his attempt to scare any innocent visitor (feel free to tut him – the ‘trick’ segment of ‘trick-or-treat’ is his favourite part) that can only mean one thing. IT’S HALLOWEEN! Currently attempting to write this amongst the banging of ‘trick-or-treaters’ at my door – I’m a sucka for a challenge *puts on game face*. Warning, this post may be unsuitable for children and the occasional adult. Grab a safety blanket for precaution, otherwise – good luck!

Ahhh it’s finally arrived – the day of the year when if somebody shouts ‘I’m a witch!’, it will be responded to with ‘Wow, great costume!’ as opposed to ‘Heresy, burn the witch!’. I love this time of year, a time of mischief and an incredibly large quantity of sweets. Yet sadly, the excitement for Halloween I see doesn’t tend to arrive until either Hallow’s Eve, or the night itself. Specifically, this is among all the other, Christian folk out there. With Christmas and Easter celebrating the good ole, monotheistic tradition of the story of Jesus, Halloween is a pagan festival. *Gasp* I know, I know – why am I even celebrating it if it goes against what I believe in? Tradition, that’s why. I don’t exactly run around shouting ‘May the dead rise, riiiiise I tell you!’. Not many of us see the origin in things like Halloween – it’s merely a worldwide tradition passed from generation to generation. God’ll let you off, kid, so go out and you beg for candy like (most of us) you’ve never begged before! It’s not just religious people who do it, but the commercial world, too. In most shops, I could probably count the quantity of Halloween merchandise on my hands compared to all of the… Christmas decorations? Christmas decorations? But… it’s October? No, no, no! Take Santa and his reindeer off those shelves, sales assistant – replace them for ghouls, goblins and ghastly treats, muahahah. Erm, sorry, *reads badge* Daniel? I got a bit carried away there!

Though with every tradition, there is always certain aspects that never failed to be carried through to this generation (sadly, apple bobbing. It’s bad enough we’re encouraged to eat ‘Five A Day’, but then they make it MORE difficult for us?). The one which we all know and whilst writing this, cannot seem to avoid; is ‘Trick-Or-Treat’. Like ‘Pigs In a Blanket’ to a Christmas dinner, this really wouldn’t be Halloween without it. Regardless of the fact this activity happens year on year, a question can’t help but arise – where on earth is the trick? Never before when I ‘trick-or-treated’ as a kid did the person who answered the door throw a water balloon at my face or wrap a brussel sprout up in a chocolate wrapper. Maybe I’m in the wrong neighbourhood? What’s the worst ‘trick’ you’ve ever received on a Halloween? Let me know in the comments below! My Dad, on numerous occasions, has attempted to answer this. Last year, whenever someone knocked on the door, he’d open it with himself behind it, leaving the impression that no one was home. Then BAM, wearing a mask that isn’t quite so appealing to the eyes, he’d jump out and truly fulfill the meaning of ‘trick-or-treat’! Usually, I’d call that ‘assault’ on any other day of the year, but what can I say? ‘Trick’ is there for a reason!

I used to love ‘trick-or-treating’ as a kid. Sweet basket in hand, Mum holding the other, wearing a mask which I thought was ‘scary’ and the adults answering the door thought was cute *grrrrrr*. Regardless of diet and healthy eating, we’d come home and stuff our faces with treats until that full moon finally came out. Sadly, I now have to say, that is what we used to do. The occasion hasn’t changed – it’s still the same old dysfunctional event you remember. Why did it change? I guess you could say it was because I grew up. We all did. You stopped going because it was ‘not cool’ or ‘for kids’. Christmas still has presents, Easter still has chocolate eggs; Halloween still has ‘trick-or-treating’? Sadly not! Until I go around with my kids when I’m older (or I resort to it now, for ‘old time’s sake’), I have this feeling I won’t be doing that again for quite some time.

STOP. Turn that frown upside down – this doesn’t mean Halloween has to be a boring occasion that we should ‘endure’ instead of ‘enjoy’. This is one of the times of the year that we can have a ton of fun! Want to know how? I’ll tell you how – here’s my ‘To Do List’ for Halloween 2012:

  • While I might not be the greatest fan of horror movies (or even a fan at all), the best way to celebrate the scariest night of the year is, well, to watch the most gory film of the year! A great idea would be to have a Saw-a-thon, watching the ‘Saw’ movies and only breaking for snacks and toilet breaks. Go on. I double dare ya.
  • If DVDs just aren’t your thing, how about a house party instead? A ‘Halloween Theme’, to be precise. There’s nothing better than seeing your traditional, spooky characters chugging a whole can of ‘Strongbow’ – it really is a sight to behold.
  • One of my personal favourites, combining my favourite show with one of my favourite times of the year. From 6:30 – 8.00pm in the land of the UK, ‘Simpsons Treehouse of Horror’ is playing away, waiting to scare your socks off. Zombie Ned, Vampire Burns, Bart-Fly? I’m really not making this stuff up!
  • For all you gamers out there – if you possess either a ‘PS3’ or an ‘Xbox 360’, I’d highly recommend downloading/playing the Halloween classic of ‘Red Dead Redemption – Undead Nightmare’. Cowboys, zombies, unicorns, a sasquatch and the ‘Four Horses of the Apocalypse’ ALL IN THE SAME GAME? I know. It’s just so much for a download of £8.00. You’d be mad not to buy it.
  • This is an absolute must. Number 5 is to dance to either Micheal Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ or Bobby Pickett’s ‘Monster Mash’. Dancing to either of these on any other day of the year just makes you feel quite silly. On this day? You shall be a legend who can shout ‘I did the mash! I did the moooooonster mash’.

Make the most of this crazy night by following these tips – it will certainly be a night to remember. For all the Christians who need a song which combines both God AND Halloween, listen to this. It might change your mind about the way you see this ‘Festival of the Dead’. May your Halloween night be one of mischief and madness! *cackles extensively*

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10 thoughts on “It Was Me… I Did The ‘Monster Mash’

  1. We have been listening to the Halloween station on Pandora and I do the Monster Mash and dance to Thriller every time they come on. 🙂 Plus I love the Simpson’s Treehouse of Horror.

    As for the tricking part, back in the day (read before I had kids) I would dress up in a scary witch costume and wait for the kids with their treat bags in hand. I would peek through the blinds to adjust my scary level to accommodate their age. I once horribly miscalculated and terrified a cute little kid who ran screaming down my driveway and refused to come back and get any candy. I guess it didn’t help that I ran after her (still in my witch costume) trying to console her. Ooops.

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